In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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