i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
