Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
