Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
