Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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