i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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