Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
