He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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