So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
