Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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