A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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