But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
