something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
