Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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