We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
