If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
