Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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