I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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