i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
