Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
