I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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