I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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