i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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