In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
