i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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