My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
