i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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