She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
