i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We had sex on a dog bed..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
