I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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