um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
