Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
