Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
