hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
