dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am puke
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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