He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
