We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
