final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
