its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
