i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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