First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
