you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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