I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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