I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
