...so i touched it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
