I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
