I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
