All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
