i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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