jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
