Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
