When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My hand turned me down
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
