I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
