rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
