THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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