college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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