so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
