member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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