explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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