there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
