my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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