For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
