i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
