I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
