I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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