And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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