Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
