Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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