This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
