it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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