Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
