Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
