Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
