God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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