i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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