What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I AM VODKA MAN
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
