remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?