so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?