he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
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Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare