Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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