what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty